Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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