You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Randomize
