Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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