You're so nebulous sometimes
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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