Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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