you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize