Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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