Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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