im drinking this country out of the recession.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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