better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
im holly from the hills drunk
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize