I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize