I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
