i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
