im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
