i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
