She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize