I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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