He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
