Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
A+ Viking dick
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