That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Who died my cat blue again?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
