I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
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