Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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