Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
