I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
