Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
