people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
