God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
