she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
the gays at disneyland are vicious
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
