no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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