What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
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