is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
