cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
