Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
