mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
