HIV tests are more positive than that guy
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
