You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
