and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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