Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
