Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
