I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
