I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize