I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
