I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Quick, to the slutcave!
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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