Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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