I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize