accomplished twins. life is a go
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
