I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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