If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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