I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
