Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
