You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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