He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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