So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
