New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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