I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
