He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
