So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
