my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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