he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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