She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
