I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
