you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
you would pick up someone in the library
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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