ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
