I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
