it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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