Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
