at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
But theres a keg here and me gusta
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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