That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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