Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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