A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
