we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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