I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
