If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
